How to spot signs of a toxic relationship

Posted by Jessica Goh on 26th Jul 2020

Hey you,

Have you been in a toxic relationship/s?

Do you struggle to see why you welcome them into your life?

What if you knew how to spot a toxic person before engaging in a relationship meltdown?

Sounds familiar? If this rings true for you, it's time to discover your own setbacks and blindspots.


Who you attract is what you need to heal within yourself. Let's say the pattern in relationships you're attracting into your life are abusive, dysfunctional and toxic. The question is why do you choose to welcome and tolerate it? This is the impacts of unhealed childhood trauma. What I mean by this is in the first 8 years of life, you have experienced or witnessed some form of abuse and this can be reoccurring or more noticeable as you grow older. So if you experienced it in your family dynamic without any healing, you normalise it as a way of living. When you find yourself in a relationship filled with abuse or violence and struggle to break free from it, it's because you were conditioned at a young age that these behaviours were acceptable. To sum it up, dysfunctionality and toxicity is what you need to heal to seek clarity what's a healthy relationship and what's not. 


  • Broken boundaries or no boundaries
  • Co-dependency
  • Violence, blackmail and threats
  • Abuse of all forms e.g sexual abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse
  • No mutual respect
  • Power struggle - inequality in your relationship
  • Mistrust and not feeling safe
  • Intimidation and tactics
  • Betrayal - no loyalty and respect
  • Unfaithful 
  • Manipulation and jealously from insecurities
  • Lies 
  • Avoid vulnerability and intimacy to be real with their feelings


Let me be make it clear on what's the difference between the two. Perception is seeing life with a high level of discernment without the illusion of fear. Projection is viewing life through the lens of unhealed and unconscious trauma by making quick assumptions based on triggers. This can distort your perception to see what's truth and what's not. So it's very hard to read between the lines as the lines are blurred by your upbringing. Here's an example of what's perception and what's projection for me in my current relationship where my partner walks away from me when he's triggered or caught up in emotional overwhelm.

PERCEPTION: I can see he's triggered and doesn't know how to cope with his stuff. I will talk to him when he gets out of his head.  

PROJECTION: I feel my partner doesn't love me because he just stormed off without saying anything to me. Why couldn't he just communicate like a mature adult? Why am I tolerating his crap?

Can you see the difference? 

My level of perception comes from a place of crystal clear clarity where I'm not reactive and detached from what's going on. I don't take things personally because I have awareness that this is his pattern. My projection is a part of my inner child feeling neglected and unwanted so she starts to react because she's attached to being loved. A wounding from my family dynamic where my father has walked out of my family many times with absolute rage. 

Can you see how lack of consciousness can play a havoc with your mind?

My services are designed to deliver success in rebuilding your self-esteem and worthiness from the ground up with desirable outcomes that are aligned with you.

This is for someone who is highly driven and willing to be coachable by using their financial resources, dogmatic determination and commitment to make this happen.

If this sounds like you, book your free private 30 min consultation here.

With Love & Support,

Jessica Goh | Trauma Coach & Healer In Relationship Abuse

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