Is loneliness the answer to all of your problems? Why is it comfortable for some and unbearable for others?
I hear this all the time.
Loneliness Complaint 1: "I want to be in a relationship but prefer to be alone. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to put myself out there. Even though I want to be with someone, I just don't want to get hurt again."
Co-dependent Complaint 2: "I need to be in a relationship (even if it's toxic or I'm desperate). I can't deal with loneliness because I need validation and attention from others for me to feel loved and accepted. Being in a (co-dependent) relationship is better than being single and alone."
Can you relate?
Here's why...The difference between loneliness and co-dependency complaint is the type of unhealed childhood trauma. Finding comfort in loneliness is quite common in the Humanitarian, the archetype that suffers from masochism, sacrificing themselves for others to feel needed however there's an underlying resentment towards people. They overcompromise themselves and lack boundaries in self-worth so it's easier to just be alone and not feel the pain of being criticised or rejected by others for not being their true self. This pattern occurred in 18 months to 3 years of life at toddler phase where they were overprotected (and still are) by a controlling and perhaps manipulative mother. They feel suffocated by this so they love to travel and be away from their parents to find freedom in their lives hence finding comfort in loneliness. The pain of heartache occurs in the heart and tummy where they feel nervousness and anxiety.
The archetype for complaint number 2 is what I call the leading actor, think of Marilyn Monroe. Co-dependency comes from the feeling unworthiness due to the deep embedded fear of being abandoned by their mother where an emotional bond hasn't been established from 0-18 months of adoption, not being breastfed or not receiving attention during breastfeeding. They need constant reassurance because they didn't feel accepted and loved for who they are. The suffocation of heartache shows up in their chest where they feel empty and cold, talk excessively where they find it difficult to manage their energy, feeling exhausted. They speak from their head not from their heart because there are struggles to trust the feelings of their heart.
So how can you address these childhood traumas that impact your way of being and defence mechanism?
Trauma release. This requires movement, breath and sound. Not for the faint hearted as this requires you to go out of your comfort zone to find yourself in trust and freedom through self-expression of past childhood traumas. This isn't for someone who's looking for a quick fix to all of their problems and who rely heavily on clinical and psychiatric care. It's a self-sufficient and sustainable way to heal however this requires supervision and guidance from a trauma coach.
My services are designed to deliver success in rebuilding your self-esteem and worthiness from the ground up with desirable outcomes that are aligned with you.
This is for someone who is highly driven and willing to be coachable by using their financial resources, dogmatic determination and commitment to make this happen.
If this sounds like you, book your free private 30 min consultation here.
With Love & Support,
Jessica Goh | Trauma Coach & Healer In Relationship Abuse
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